Monday, September 25, 2006

This is how cheap I am

Im going to have Jennifer take my frozen peas back to walmart and get my money back... they have never been opened.. shouldnt be a big deal right?

Trying to get a copy of the doctor report.. stay tuned.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Real Story...

I arrived at the Surgery center at about 9:15 in the AM on Friday. I signed in and sent the old lady off to krispy cream for a little snack while i went into major surgery.

No sooner I sat down a very attractive nurse called my name. I could tell she was into me and I thought, " Well if she wants a little Vitamin J, then she better act quick." She was about 5'8" or so, brown curly hair.

As we walked down the corridor she commented on my scrubs. I informed her I too was in the Healthcare Industry and if needed, I could perform this surgery myself. She gave me a lingering smile.

We signed a few papers in the room and informed me to drop the clothes from the waist down and hop up on the table. In the back of my mind I was thinking, " This is how porn movies start" I dropped my scrubs and slowly slid my tighty whities down. I could feel her eyes burning into me. I thought it was very unapropriate, but could you blame her.

I got my legs in the stirrup and she asked if I had shaven. I told her I do maintaince and she took a 6 inch strip of medical tape and taped the big dog down to my stomach. I commented to her that i brought some duck tape, i doubt the medical tape will hold. She laughed and gave it a nice little tap.

After she touched up a few spots with a medical razor she coated my sack with some sort of iodine and covered me up with some blue towels. She grabbed a IV deal and prepped me for a versed injection. At that point she said I had to put the Treo down because the doctor would be in shortly and I should try to relax.

About 5 minutes later the doctor came in. I half expected Killer and Bulldog to be with him. I asked him how he felt today. If he had been drinking.. the usual questions one asks prior to your pecker gettin worked on. He pulled the surgical cloth back and gasped a little. I think he wished he could charge by size... it would have been a big pay day today.

He grabbed the syringe full of versed and pumped it into me. As i dosed out i could hear the nurse ask if I was single.. the drugs prevented me from answering.

About 10 minutes later I remember walking out of the office building, talking on the phone (according to my wife, i dont remember) and on my way home.

The pain isnt too bad.. more sore. I have been hitting the rattler every 4 to 5 hours or so. Tyler has been johnny on the spot with the frozen pees every 3 minutes.

I hope my wife appreciates what I did. I also hope the power doesnt go out in the house. I froze some sperm in some tupperware.. just in case.

Friday, September 22, 2006


Ladies and Gentlemen - he did not go down without a fight. At about 8:30 pm last night he started to say he didn't think he'd be able to do it. This comment was made again around 3 am as he paced the floor. Thankfully, I had a back up plan. The call had already been made and the prescription was picked up. I had a Xanax to give him in the morning. He took it and was relaxed enough to go through with the procedure.

I dropped him off at the surgery center and decided a celebratory Krispy-Kreme was in order. No sooner did I sit down and get situated with the girls then I got a call from him saying come get me in about 15 minutes. It was that quick.

Upon my arrival, he sat dazed and confused in the waiting room. As I got him in the car he had only one comment to make, "The nurse was so hot she gave me a hard-on". Little did he realize that was the last salute he'd make with a full load of baby batter.

So he's home now, sleeping soundly. I've been rotating the frozen peas on his nuts every 20 minutes. He's taken his pain medication and is knocked out cold. His mom did call to check on him and he only mumbled, "Mama they cut my nuts," before falling asleep.

I'm glad it's over. Most importantly, I'm glad he did it!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Leader of the Pack

Stood outside Mapco yesterday in 85 degree weather selling $15-50 popcorn. Oh it was fun. But, my son, the great salesman that he is, made the first sale of the day. Although he's the youngest, he's the leader of the pack! And, if I must say so myself, the cutest too!

Saturday, September 9, 2006

So Big T's a Cub Scout Now

Or a Tiger Scout, whatever you want to call it. Jason went to the first meeting and paid the dues but then stuck all the paperwork under the seat in his truck and forgot about it. On the way home from Cracker Barrel this morning, he decided to pull it out. Seems we missed the most important parent informational session on Thursday, ummmmm thanks honey! But I called the Scout Master and we are back on track as long as he attends the kick-off this morning. So after some rushing, screaming, crying and hugging, Tyler and Jason took off for a meeting!

Looking at the calendar this is a huge commitment. See Tyler is quite popular on the birthday party circuit so this could interfere. Today he has a party from 2 - 4 pm, so as they walked out the door I reminded them to be home by 1:30 pm. Next Saturday is the popcorn sale w/the BS from 10 - 2 pm and of course, Tyler has a birthday party so again we have a conflict. Not to mention basketball starts at the end of next month.

So I got to thinking, what am I going to do when the girls are older and into sports and such. How am I going to keep track of their schedules and get them all around? Oh the stress!


Thursday, September 7, 2006

i *heart* similac burps

I had the talk with Olivia. The "stop growing your making mommy sad" talk. I will be the first to admit, I LOVE NEWBORNS. Their sweetness, softness, smell - I love everything about them. I love the sound of their cry and how the root for food even when it's just a finger. I even love the smell of their Similac burps.

I had to clean out and rotate clothes in the closet and this prompted the "talk". As I was permanently retiring the 0-3 month and some of the 3-6 month clothes, a sadness came over me. A sadness that only a mother would understand. The first time you old your baby and all the excitement that comes along with it is a feeling similar to euphoria that we don't forget.

But they just grow too fast. I'm the type that doesn't mind changing the poopy diapers or even getting up in the middle of the night. I actually enjoy it. But the day-to-day busyness in our lives just makes this time pass too quickly. Now that she's almost six months old, the smiles are starting and so is the interest in foods. She's a sitter-upper and has interest in everything that goes on around her. Not to mention she's defiantly a cutie! But where did the six months go?

Don't get me wrong, I don't want any more children. I can't handle the three I have. I just want my baby to stay a baby. I want to be able to continue to pick her up without breaking my back. I want to be able to snuggle with her and listen to her sing and coo. I want to continue to see that beautiful smile as her faces lights up when she sees me first thing in the morning. I want to be able to talk to her and she listen (as my other children apparently don't understand me!). I want to keep that smell and those cute yellow "Daddy's Girl" pajamas she looks so good in. So to all my friends that are expecting or recently had a baby --- ENJOY! And those of us that have older children --- REFLECT!